Mental Illness: An Identity Thief

Okay. So, here’s my latest dilemma: it’s one thing to be admitted to a mental hospital. It’s another to be admitted three times over the duration of five months, twice within two weeks. I was discharged on Wednesday after my third stay, and let me tell you, it really messed with my head. While I emerged feeling more confident in my ability to cope with my wonky mood swings and erratic emotions, my sense of self was immensely distorted. The inpatient psychiatrist not only added another mood stabilizer to my little medley of pills but also modified my diagnosis. After seeing a side of me that I prefer to keep tucked away in a far off closet, the she officially pronounced that I have a “personality trait causing social impairment.”

Ouch. For the record, I full-heartedly admire the psychiatrist in the unit and hold her in the highest esteem, but she is really making it difficult to accept my situation. I’m just kidding, of course. I know it isn’t really her fault that I feel the way I do. The truth is that, while others may help steer me in the right direction, it is up to me to come to terms with my recent diagnosis. Still, I am finding it difficult to ward off the invasive thought that there is something wrong with my personality, with who I am. I’ve realized, though, that I am the same person as I was before I was diagnosed. A label does not define me. I am who I am, scarred as my body and mind may be. I am so incredibly broken, but I continue to gift pieces of myself to others. I love with such intensity and dream with such grandiosity that I appear foolish and naïve. I remember the past, reside in the present, and embrace the future. I rebuild myself from nothing and fight to become everything. I am who I am, and it is as simple as that.

The the name of my blog may be “She’s Bipolar,” but I am not bipolar. I am an individual who happens to have Bipolar Disorder. It has been said one too many times, but I will say it again: you are not your mental illness. When you allow your diagnosis to define you, you give your condition permission to rule your life. You cannot possibly lead a healthy lifestyle if you believe in your bones that you are no more than a list of symptoms. It is imperative to your well being that you learn to detach from your diagnosis and view yourself as an individual not a condition. It will not come easily. Little in life does. As I explained earlier, I am now struggling to cope with my new diagnosis. Even if it is not too different from my original one, it still gives me bouts of anxiety. I have moments of immense doubt and moments of extreme confidence. There is really no in between, and that is anything but healthy. Even I must learn to control my thoughts and improve my constantly fluctuating sense of self.

My psychiatrist recently implemented Acceptance and Commitment Based Therapy, also known as ACT, into our sessions. This subsection of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is centered around the philosophy that we must accept what is and commit to making necessary improvements. My goal for the coming weeks is to work towards accepting my situation–both the positive and negative aspects–for what it is. I then intend to commit to making minor improvements, to changing my thought and behavioral patterns without changing who I am. A doctor diagnosed me with a medical condition. So what? What changes? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Needless to say, it is a constant battle, but I will not allow a label to distort my sense of self.

After all, your diagnosis is not important; it is what you choose to do with it that matters.


To Those I’ve Hurt Along the Way

Okay, everyone, my recent posts have been rather impersonal, but it is time to get real. With Bipolar disorder–with any mental disorder, for that matter–comes a whole lot of pain. Relationships involving someone with the illness can be healthy and inspire growth, but they are likely to be plagued with conflict and disorder. I mean, look at me. My psychiatrist blatantly stated that I have not maintained a single stable relationship over the past year. Pathetic? I think not. My illness is a raging storm that looms over my head, that feeds on the blood and guts of my failed relationships. Bipolar Disorder does not simply terrorize the suffering individuals; it infiltrates the lives of all who surround them. Yes, of course I’m capable of IMG_4795maintaining meaningful relationships with others. I possess the ability to quiet the storm that looms over my head and terrorizes everyone in the vicinity. But implementing such drastic changes takes time and active effort. I am doing my best, and I am learning. One is never pathetic so long as she is learning.

This post is directed at those I’ve hurt, at those I’ve taken for granted, and at those of whom I’ve asked the impossible. Bipolar Disorder is not an excuse, but it does influence my behavior. The list below could not possibly be considered a proper apology, but it is better than nothing. I only hope it explains the reasoning behind my actions and depicts how very sorry I am.

  1. I loved you. I just refused to admit it because I was petrified you would leave me. I have such a crippling fear of abandonment, and it pained me to imagine my life without you in it.  But it was wrong of me to believe you would be so cruel as to abandon me. I hated myself for assuming the worst of you, and I knew that, if you were to leave, it would be because I pushed you away. I loved you, and I always will. Never doubt that.
  2. I wanted to be there in your darkest hour. I knew I wasn’t the only one suffering, yet I failed to comfort you. I promise that I wasn’t being selfish. I just couldn’t be there for reasons I don’t expect you to understand. After all, if I, myself, was filled with doubt, how was I supposed to assure you that all would be alright? I don’t know. Perhaps I’m making excuses when instead I should be apologizing. So, I’m sorry for not having a reason for not being there. There truly is no excuse.
  3. I wish I never tested you. I wish I trusted you and didn’t feel the need to question your every move. I wanted to ensure that you would not leave, that you would not flee upon seeing me at my worst. I realize now that, by testing you, I made it easy for you to walk away. Still, you chose to stay, and I continued to test you. Time after time, you offered me your unconditional love. And time after time, my paranoia led me to search frantically for conditions, to embark on a quest to uncover your faults.
  4. I didn’t mean to lash out at you. I hated you for hurting me, but I absolutely loathed myself for hurting you back. My intention was never to do you harm. I felt so betrayed every time you made the slightest wrong move. I now understand that I was not the only one who felt unloved, that you didn’t even believe you had the power to hurt me.
  5. I appreciated your loyalty. You thought I didn’t notice your undying love for me, your refusal to abandon me in my time of need. I suppose there was a time when I didn’t–not truly. I took you for granted, and not a day goes by that I don’t regret it. There were times when it was difficult for me to accept that someone cared because I struggled to love and value myself. But I appreciated your loyalty. I still do.





Is Your Loved One Bipolar? Here’s What You Shouldn’t Do

Since I’m pretty–okay, incredibly–open about my mental illness, I receive certain frequently asked questions. One such question is the ever-perplexing, “How do I talk to my loved one with Bipolar Disorder?” Well, the simple solution would be to treat him or her like a fellow human being. Of course nothing is ever so straightforward. I’ve found it is much easier to list what you should not do as opposed to what you should when dealing with a loved one with the illness. So, here’s my little list of don’ts, if you will. This one is for the kind souls who feel they can’t properly communicate with their loved ones, be them diagnosed or undiagnosed. Whether you choose to take advice from a 17 year old girl who was only recently diagnosed is up to you…

  1. Don’t respond with anger-When interacting with a loved one who is battling Bipolar Disorder, remember that there is a chemical imbalance in his or her brain. Also, keep in mind that the illness typically activates when people who are genetically predisposed to it endure some form of trauma. Just to clarify, trauma does not always have to be as severe as partaking in a war or surviving sexual abuse, although it certainly can be. What hardly affects one person could be immensely traumatic to another. That being said, it is important to remember that those battling Bipolar Disorder did not choose to do so. Mental illness is not a choice. You wouldn’t be angry at someone if they had the flu, would you? If your loved one cannot get out of bed, if she pushes you away, if he is reckless, restrain from becoming frustrated. There is nothing more discouraging to someone who is mentally ill than discovering that they are causing trouble for those they hold dear.
  2. Don’t bruise his or her ego-Ah, mania, you are so misunderstood. When most people think of mania, they imagine a highly productive, frighteningly happy individual. You know, that delusional, singing-to-animals kind of happy. The reality of mania is far more terrifying. While manic, individuals are prone to engaging in risky activities, such as reckless driving, self-harm, unprotected sex, and binge drinking. Contrary to popular belief, many also express suicidal tendencies during episode of mania. How do you handle a loved one whose behavior is so erratic? Remember that he or she is a wild card and may at any given time fly off the handle, so to say. When grappling with mania, individuals are likely to experience feelings of grandiosity, or an extreme sense of self-importance. Never tell your manic loved one to calm down. She’s on top of the world! Nothing could stop her! He doesn’t need to rest! Sleep is for the weak! Telling manic individuals to calm down can be earth-shattering, for it suggests that they are not superhuman, after all. You may have the best of intentions, but be careful not to bruise your loved one’s ego along the way.
  3. Don’t assume the blame-If you have a loved one who suffers from Bipolar Disorder, odds are you have felt you were to blame at some point or another. Now, that is not to say that you believe yourself to be the cause of the illness but rather that you feel as though you are making his or her situation worse. Could your relationship be doing more harm than good? Possibly, but it is unlikely. If your loved one does not always respond with love and joy, remind yourself that he or she is fighting a war that is invisible to your eyes. You are not to blame for his or her pain. It is difficult for someone with Bipolar Disorder to receive the care that you offer or even detect that it is there. Remember that your loved one is learning how to let people into his or her little world, which, to the non-sufferer, is foreign territory. Relationships that involve at least one individual with bipolar disorder are often tumultuous for both parties. People with bipolar disorder have a tendency to burn bridges and bite the hands of those who feed them. They do it all because they don’t feel like they are loved and appreciated for all they have to offer. If your loved one appears distant or attempts to shut you out, it is imperative that you stay and weather the storm.


Why Stigmatizing Language is ‘Totally Mental’

If you are not battling mental illness, if you are not hosting demons in your mind, then you have no right to use stigmatizing language. Words associated with mental illness are not intended to be carelessly tossed around. You wouldn’t use the word “cancer” in such a derogatory manner, would you? No. You wouldn’t simply because cancer is a serious, life-threatening disease. Mental illness, according to a painfully large portion of the population, is far from severe. It does not ruthlessly murder its prey. Please, it isn’t even worthy of discussion. While cancer survivors are venerated (and rightfully so), those of us battling mental illness are ignored. People do not think twice about mental illness because of this little pest commonly known as a stigma.

Where did it come from? Well, that’s a question I’ve been asking myself ever since my diagnosis. In part, I think it has become such a taboo topic that people do not feel comfortable asking for help in times of suffering. Still, we must ask ourselves why the topic is so controversial, why we are avoiding discussions that should be of the utmost importance. I attribute much of the stigma surrounding mental illness to over used words like “crazy,” “insane,” and, God forbid, “mental.” By spitting out such terminology without proper understanding, you are unintentionally invalidating the suffering of mentally ill individuals. Through our societies excessive reliance on stigmatizing language, mental illness (or the concept of it) has become rather commonplace. Of course people do not feel the need to discuss it. Of course they see it as a lesser demon, one that is not serious, that does not kill.

The key to eradicating the stigma lies in promoting awareness of mental illness, which, according to WHO, steals the lives of an estimated one million individuals each year. Just because you could not recall the formula for kinetic energy does not mean you are retarded. You have an eclectic taste in clothing? Here’s a wild guess: you probably aren’t bipolar. You think you’re depressed, huh? If the feelings of utter depletion and worthlessness went away the minute your BFF cancelled her plans with her boyfriend, it’s highly unlikely you are depressed. There is a reason that mental illness is not taken seriously, and it is that, through stigmatizing language, it has become associated with what could be categorized as minor inconveniences.

Now, people who use words such as “retarded,” “bipolar,” and “depression” as adjectives may, indeed, be battling mental illness. Or perhaps they are simply uneducated. Either way, I am not here to judge. My intention is, simply put, to report what I have observed first hand, to explain the detrimental effects of witnessing my illness become a frequently visited word in someone else’s vocabulary.


Watch and Download Full Movie Venom (2018)

Watch and Download Full Movie Venom (2018)


Released |Duration : 1 hours 52 minutes


DIRECTED BY : Ruben Fleischer.

PRODUCED BY : Avi Arad, Matt Tolmach.

GENRE : Drama, Horror, Science Fiction, Action, Thriller.

VIDEO : 720p.

LANGUAGE : English.


COUNTRY : United States of America.

PRODUCTION BY : Columbia Pictures, Marvel Entertainment, Sony Pictures.


‘Venom’ is a movie genre Drama, was released in October 3, 2018. Ruben Fleischer was directed this movie and starring by Tom Hardy. This movie tell story about When Eddie Brock acquires the powers of a symbiote, he will have to release his alter-ego “Venom” to save his life.


Justice League (2017)

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Superman Returns (2006)

Superman (1978)

Superman II (1980)

Superman III (1983)

The Dark Knight (2008)

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

The Avengers (2012)

Man of Steel (2013)

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Untitled Avengers Movie (2019)

Superman: Doomsday (2007)

Hulk (2003)

Captain Marvel (2019)

Justice League: The New Frontier (2008)

Justice League: Throne of Atlantis (2015)

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Incoming search terms:

Watch Venom 2018 Online Viooz, watch full movie Venom 2018, watch full Venom 2018 movie, Watch Venom 2018 Online Putlocker, film Venom download, Watch Venom 2018 Online Free, Venom 2018 film trailer, Venom movie, streaming movie Venom 2018, trailer movie Venom 2018, Watch Venom 2018 Online Free Viooz, Watch Venom 2018 Online Megashare, download full film Venom, streaming film Venom 2018, Watch Venom 2018 Online 123movies, download movie Venom 2018, Watch Venom 2018 Online Free megashare, watch Venom movie online now, Watch Venom 2018 Online Free hulu, Streaming Venom 2018 For Free Online, film Venom, watch full film Venom online, watch movie Venom now, Streaming Venom 2018 Online Free Megashare, watch full movie Venom 2018 online, movie Venom 2018 download, Watch Venom 2018 Online 123movie, watch Venom 2018 film now, Venom 2018 film download, watch full Venom 2018 film, Watch Venom 2018 Online Free Putlocker, Watch Venom 2018 Online Free 123movie, Venom 2018 Watch Online, Venom 2018 live streaming film, Watch Venom 2018 For Free online, Watch Venom 2018 Online Free netflix.